It has been awhile since I have written in you and thought I would catch you up on what my thoughts have been recently. After a long conversation with a true friend, I have realized there are a lot of things that I see wrong with myself and the environment I tend to surround myself with.
One thing I tend to do is surround myself with people that I feel are good people, but are not good people for me. Never have I been happy of drugs, violence, or a lot of sex. I am a man and I do find myself being frustrated at times but being a slut is not the answer in my life. I make jokes that I whore it up and that being the Queen of Jizz has its duties, but its all a persona I portray. Some people find it to be true, some see right through it. It comes to that part where you need to get to know me before you can judge me. Another flaw that drips from this paragraph is dishonesty. Me playing a character and having that character blend into my life out of drag makes it confusing for those that associate with me. When I play that persona of a slut as a conversation starter at times....for example: "Want to ride my di*k?"...it makes it hard for people to know what is true and what is not.
That is something I did to my own reputation and no one else. At times I wish I was a slut because that would allow me to feel more attention, attention that I tend to go after a lot, but in reality I do not want the sexual attention, I sometimes look for, just because I hate the feeling of being useless after. I want to feel appreciated just as much as I appreciate others. I have come a far way since the beginning of my exploration of life but there are things I still need to change about me, that will allow me to become that person I want to be in my future! With time, comes change. All I can do now is to move past the judgements of those who do not matter to me and listen to the ones that love me and those who only want the best for me! Life is not a silver platter, in fact it is a dirty plate, you just have to pick your brand of soap of preference to help you clean that grime of life, to give you the finished product of a clean plate! Hahah sounds lame doesn't it? I was thinking that as I was typing it!
Anyways, I want to continue writing in this diary in the future, it helps clean my mind of thoughts I have! Take care and I will be writing more soon!
With much love,