I want to first say, welcome back to the real world! I cannot even imagine how it was in there nor do I ever want to. 17 years is a lot for anyone to handle but I can say this, takes a lot of character to be able to come out and be able to look at life with a more positive look.
I am 23 years old and I am a Drag Queen who works in nightlife. I appreciate the things you did for this community and nightlife, you made it more mainstream and allowed it to be more accepting. As nightlife people, we bring excitement, entertainment, and just great times for the customers. We bring business to the venues and make the nights more FAB! You have to be a certain type of person to be able to handle this type of work. You created a type of lifestyle that people will take part in for years to come, thank you for that!
I have been seeing a lot of comments and posts from some people who are excited about your release and there are people who wish you would be murdered. The harsh comments I feel are unnecessary because I do not feel two wrongs make a right. As a tax payer and as a citizen in this country, I feel that if you can't do the time, don't do the crime. You served your time and should be allowed a second chance in this world. I am a strong believer that whatever we do in this lifetime, we will be judged in the after life. Your past will always be with you and your final judgement will be there waiting for you in the next life.
I hope with everything that is going on: the interviews, the fame, just everything, you take it and use it for the best. You have been a role model for a lot of people for years and you let down a lot of people with what happened. Now with this new freedom, you have the opportunity to give back and make a difference. Give back, GIVE back, GIVE BACK! Make the rest of your life a difference and as RuPaul says, "DON'T FU#K IT UP!" but if you have no clue what I am talking about, watch RuPaul's Drag Race.
A few more things before I let you go, I do not want you to think, I think what you did was right. I do not want you to think I am praising you and worship the ground you walk. I feel what happened was very disgusting and no one will ever forget it. But I respect the work you did in the past and I know you will do well in the future.
On that note, fly free bird, FLY and let your flight see many glorious sights!
With Much Love,
Brandon, I never said "I heard you are drama..." I make my own opinions. And you are drama, all I've known you as is drama. U have poor hygiene which is something I've experienced first hand and you probably don't go out cause no one can stand you. I know who you are I've known u since u were 18 so get off your high horse. You sucked as a drag queen u sucked as a friend. No rumors here all facts. Go scratch...
I don't have time for this. I'm an architect now making six figures. That's. 5 figures more then you'll ever make
Everything above pretty much sums up the things that will come into your life, those negative tones and energy. I am thankful for this because if I did not know negativity, how would I ever know what positive things were. I am thankful, that someone came out of their way, away from their six figure job, to tell me how much I suck as a person. Thank you!
All I can say to this is, I might not make millions of dollars or make as much as you now, I might never make that much, but hey, I am going to live a happy life with what I have and never will have to shove it in people's faces. I do not need validation of my happiness because by the end of the day, those people who have been there and will be there until I die, is all the happiness I need in my life. Thank you for helping me realize this!
Now its time to SASHAY AWAY!
So how many of you have seen this phrase on profiles, such as
Grindr, DNR, Jack'd, Scruff, A4A, etc?
Everytime I see this wording, it cracks me up. I find it so funny that people are putting this as their headline on a Gay app. Sorry to burst your bubble hunny, there is nothing straight about sucking a cock, even if they look as fabulous as I do.
One of my favorite things to ask these kinds of people is, "What kind of things are you into?"...their answers are usually "I am a top, I fuck, and that’s it". Maybe this is what they mean when they say, "straight acting". When I think of straight people having sex, I picture a man sucking on titties, girl blowing the guy, guy eating her out, then fucking. When I hear a gay guy say he is "straight acting", I do not see them doing this with anyone, unless the person has transitioned.
When you are on one of these fabulous apps next time, make
sure to network with one of these straight actors and get their opinion on
what they mean by this phrase. Feel free to comment below with your research, I am curious to find out more =)
Have a Jizzilicious Day!
I am writing this entry because I am angry! It has really taken a few years for me to realize that the time has come for me to come all out. I have dealt with so much pain when my sisters ask me if I am Gay and for me to say no. I never lied to my family, I have always been honest. I am Pansexual not Gay, not Straight, and not BI. My mother raised me with all her love and I have taken that all in.
I have really found myself this year and have come to realize that all I want in life is to live it to the fullest.
Going back to my freshman year at RIT, this was a time I thought I was Gay because of my friends who were Gay and introduced me to a culture, where I felt I could be free. I went out to the clubs and got to meet new people that were going through similar things, like I was.
I was a kid that was tortured and felt so low in life, that I would have rather died than feel pain again. I could relate to all my new "friends" because we were all fighting for freedom and now we had it at college. I could spread my wings, but was there a point where I spread them too much? I must admit I got crazy where I wanted to be friends with everyone and wanted to feel close with everyone. This new feeling was amazing because it felt joyous, uplifting, I was finally happy. I did not want this feeling to end, but can you blame me?
RIT was such a great thing, but as all great things, they go sour with my luck. I started to be shunned, put on a "Do Not Associate List" as some would say. Beating me down to feel like I was nothing. My suicide thoughts started to come back and all I wanted to do was lock myself up in my room. I hated my life and wanted nothing to do with people. This was a time I thought I was so ugly as a guy, that the only time I felt happy was when I was in drag. For a period of time, I even thought I might have been transgender because all I wanted to do was be done up, before I went out in public. I came to realize that I was not a woman, but just trying to hide my true identity with costumes and heavy makeup. So heavy that people could not see the pain underneath. I had to leave this school because it was a place that was making me feel disgusting.
The point where I realized the time had come for me to leave the RIT area and start over, was when my old roommate assaulted me: cut my leg open, destroyed my room, destroyed my property (threw clothes in the toilet with urine and broke my door). I called the Police and they could hear the noise and the assault happening on the phone, so they sent 6 officers, to which they restrained him and had him listen to them. This was a person who I thought was my role model, a person that helped me come out of my shell, but was one of those people who helped ruin my reputation. Talking about me behind my back and getting people to stop being friends with me. This was too much drama for me. I needed to get out! I got a job and found a new place and moved out. A new beginning!
Now a days, the rumors, the hatred, the shade and the drama is still going on. I still hear people bad talking me at RIT and other parts of Rochester, NY and in all honesty it does hurt at times, especially because all I want to do is be friends with everyone. That is a big down flaw of mine because I have such a big heart and want to be there for everyone, but I need to realize that I cannot do that all the time. I can respect others, but only love those who love me.
As always I know I blend a whole lot of topics into one and sometimes ramble but I want you all to know it takes a lot of stress and time for me to talk about this stuff. I am use to keeping it all in and just looking down on myself. I want to feel free and just let the negativity in my life, to just sashay away.
Those people out there that jumped on the band wagon of bad talking me and making me feel like crap, I feel sorry for you. You missed out on a great person, a person that would bring you laughter and show you a beautiful time with life.
I want to say to my family, I love you, I am sorry that you feel I have lied to you about my sexuality or things in my life. I want to love someone who loves me. I don't care who they are, as long as their personality is glowing and they have the light inside of them, that is all I need. I want someone that had the love that my mother had for life. Such an angelic look on life. I do not think that it is picky or whorish because I do not pick a team, I think that means I am just open to love. I want love and that's not a lot to ask for.
Now it is time for me to listen to some music and clear my mind. I love you World, thanks for allowing me to grace your surface. I am ready to take part in more adventurous journeys and really live my life to the fullest.
Thanks for reading! xoxo
I have seen too many Bullying videos and it has come to a point where I need to talk about my issues with bullying and why it affects a big part of my heart.
Ever since I was in elementary school, I was bullied and tortured by other kids. It was very hard for me to make friends and try to find people who would accept me for who I was. I was the kid that would walk across the blacktop and have someone kick a kickball and hit me in the head. Everyday I either dealt with nicknames or kids trying to be nice to me so I would help them with their homework, but right after they got what they needed from me, I was no use for them.
One time I was in Middle School, I had someone start making jokes about me and my mother, calling me big head and saying my mother was fat and bald. Little did they know, my mother at the time was dying of cancer, something she could not prevent nor could she get better from it. The truth is this was not a one time incident in school, this happened everyday. It got so bad that my older sister had to tell me to tell the kids, that my big head wasn't the only thing that was big. This helped for a little bit but then the jokes kept coming back. I never got why people thought my head was big nor did I know why kids would single me out, to make me feel like a small person. Teachers would ignore it and anytime I would complain, I was the person according to them that was asking for it. Apparently I asked for kids to chase me home and throw rocks at me or make me feel like I was not worth anything. There was so many times I wanted to just go into my closet and take my life, to take the pain away and make it feel better. I would dream of dying and the feeling of something being lifted off my chest, felt so good. I could feel so light and be able to feel happy. I desired this every night.
The bullying continued all the way up to 7th grade, until my mother passed away. This is when people found out that my mother was bigger in size and bald due to treatment and was going through a rough time. I had kids come up to me and give me a hug and thought I was fucked up because I was dealing with this at home. They did not care, they felt obligated to feel bad for me and tried to understand what I was going through, but really had no desire to understand.
After my mother passed away, I felt alone and it was hard for me to give people a chance. I always had a wall up and tried to protect myself from people who would try to hurt me. My mother was my hero and the person to protect me and now that she was gone, I had to protect myself. To this day, I am still trying to protect myself, I try to be this great person and try to hide my sorrows that I have inside, but I find it does not work. The only reason I feel bullying has declined for me is because people have matured and learned that they need to worry about themselves and not others. I still have moments I feel I am in middle school and people are spreading rumors about me or trying to ruin my self-esteem, but the only way I let them succeed is when I show it hurts.
As I see these videos on youtube of kids crying for help it gets me thinking why is there no one there to help. I feel for these kids and I wish I could say it gets better but that would be a lie. Life is a cruel, cruel place and for it to get better, you must keep trucking and live life to the fullest. Anyone that is reading this please know there are people there for you. You do not need to feel alone but do remember, you must be strong for yourself and keep pushing, life will only get better if you allow it. These people that are around you, that bring you down, are only doing it because they have a sad life. Do not let them make your life a sad one, show them the joy of your life and maybe one day, they too will change.
I love all of you and I am here for you! LETS STOP BULLYING AND UNITE!
It has been awhile since I have written in you and thought I would catch you up on what my thoughts have been recently. After a long conversation with a true friend, I have realized there are a lot of things that I see wrong with myself and the environment I tend to surround myself with.
One thing I tend to do is surround myself with people that I feel are good people, but are not good people for me. Never have I been happy of drugs, violence, or a lot of sex. I am a man and I do find myself being frustrated at times but being a slut is not the answer in my life. I make jokes that I whore it up and that being the Queen of Jizz has its duties, but its all a persona I portray. Some people find it to be true, some see right through it. It comes to that part where you need to get to know me before you can judge me. Another flaw that drips from this paragraph is dishonesty. Me playing a character and having that character blend into my life out of drag makes it confusing for those that associate with me. When I play that persona of a slut as a conversation starter at times....for example: "Want to ride my di*k?"...it makes it hard for people to know what is true and what is not.
That is something I did to my own reputation and no one else. At times I wish I was a slut because that would allow me to feel more attention, attention that I tend to go after a lot, but in reality I do not want the sexual attention, I sometimes look for, just because I hate the feeling of being useless after. I want to feel appreciated just as much as I appreciate others. I have come a far way since the beginning of my exploration of life but there are things I still need to change about me, that will allow me to become that person I want to be in my future! With time, comes change. All I can do now is to move past the judgements of those who do not matter to me and listen to the ones that love me and those who only want the best for me! Life is not a silver platter, in fact it is a dirty plate, you just have to pick your brand of soap of preference to help you clean that grime of life, to give you the finished product of a clean plate! Hahah sounds lame doesn't it? I was thinking that as I was typing it!
Anyways, I want to continue writing in this diary in the future, it helps clean my mind of thoughts I have! Take care and I will be writing more soon!
With much love,
The random but entertaining Queen herself! The Official Diary of JizzaBella.